By: TeriThe trickle down process is frustratingly slow, the progress feminism has brought to the educated masses has yet to penetrate the greater whole. Daily interactions are wrought with patriarchal dominance and my anger is being expressed here… for the future generations that won't have to deal with subtle and overt gestures, because WE are fighting the fight now.
8:30 A.M, local Wawa, desperate need for coffee. Standing in line there is an older man in front of me. Sheesh the line is long I muse within, so when the older man said "here stand in front of me…so I won't have to keep looking back." Automatically I said "Thanks…" not realizing what he just said to me….Really?!? was my inner response when it smacked me in the head what was truly expressed. In what reality is that EVER okay to say to another person? A multitude of reactions went through my head… turn around and smack the hell out of him, step on my feminist soap box and tear a new reality into him…yet I felt frozen. Why?
I could feel the long line of historical women behind me as I felt piercing eyes upon my being….atrocities much, much worse than this subtle experience…
In thanks I give to this ignorant being whose life is immersed in creating a quagmire of an existence, one who couldn't uplift another being, who repeats the ill-mannered diatribe that woman is lesser that is spoon fed from birth….or was…because "well behaved women rarely make history" & I LOVE not being a well-behaved woman.
This is my FIRE to make the change that says, "PATRIARCHY…I SURVIVED"
Subtle Sister ©2001 Alix Olson.....
So we've learned karate,
carry knives on our runs
wield words like weapons
prepare glares-like hidden guns,
we've deconstructed, demystified
tried retribution, remythologized,
we've been diagnosed with your diseases,
and still tried pleases, tried tears, tried Jesus.
You wanna see what it's like down here
in this pool of someone else's rules, well
jump in, take a swim or just sit in this pit
squishing bare toes in someone else's bullshit,
we do it all the time.
paying the price, we've learned to scream until our throats throbbed
what else do you do while your cunt's being robbed. And they say "you've made progress, girls, take a rest in-between" but see while you're resting, someone else is progressing, it's what i've seen. So i take back the whispers, the cute mute act, and the high pitched giggles, yeah i take them back, i won't avoid your stare, evade your step, nothing of that kind, won't help you help me victimize the only space that's mine.
See now I'd put my life on the line just to see them trip, frown and say "funny love, I never saw you slip." i say, "my life on the line-" you say "man, she's jaded." i say, "maybe control's overrated." like when we cackled, they called us witches, now we don't giggle they call us bitches well I'm cacklin loud, taking it back, full of hiss, cacklin loud, cackling proud now.
And they're getting nervous with this kissing each other, scratching their heads, what's going on brother and they yell feed your husband, stop feeding the fire! and we just cackle, we're a fuckin witches choir. and we sing "sharpen your knives, sharpen your daughters steam up the mirrors, bake us some dreams, cook up some riots, fry up some screams, and when you're sick of your skirts slice open the seams cause they want domestics, they'll give us needle and thread for patching their egos. we'll sow revolution instead."
And i hear you saying "subtle, sister, less bite, more bark you can make your point without leaving such a mark. subtle, sister, stop your seething, i think we got it, i think we're even:" subtle like a penis pounding its target? subtle like your hissing from across the street? Subtle like the binding on my sisters' feet? subtle like her belly raped with his semen, draped in his fuck, funny, doesn't seem even.
See, sometimes anger's subtle, stocked in metaphor full of finesse and dressed in allure yes, sometimes anger's subtle, less rage than sad leaking slow through spigots you didn't know you had. and sometimes it's just fuck you. fuck you. you see, and to me,
That's poetry too.....
7 comments:
Okay, I have a couple things to say.
This happens to me everyday of my life. Since I was about 12. I've even had 50 year old men hit on me in the grocery store when I was 13 with MY MOM!
Our culture SUCKS.
I hate the fact that I am now at the point where I don't go outside unless I absolutely have to. I don't go jogging alone anymore. I dread going into wawa to get coffee in the morning because I know SOMETHING SOMEHOW will be said to me in words or body language. I can't ride my bike or walk my dog without getting honked at..
I know I'm not the only one.
I'm a really sensitive person, but that doesn't excuse other human beings for making me feel so uncomfortable in my own existence!
we have come a long way as women, BUT WE ARE NO WHERE NEAR CLOSE TO BEING DONE. feminism is not dead and women's rights include societal norms such as honking at women, kissing at women, making animal noises, undressing us with your eyes... THIS IS NOT RIGHT. until we change the way we raise young boys, i.e. don't take them to hooters for your first father/son dining experience.. nothing will change.
women can vote, run for presidential office, be a c.e.o. but we are still judged by how we look e-v-e-r-y-d-a-y--o-f--o-u-r--l-i-v-e-s.
read: The Beauty Myth by Naomi Wolf. It will make you even more pissed.
Atrocities huh?? The man may have just been trying to be nice and tell you he thought you were pretty. Is that wrong? Are we (men) not even supposed to do that anymore? I get comments and stares all the time, usually people sizing me up, they are rarely complimentary and never once has the word atrocity entered my mind. Perhaps that word means something different to you.
The atrocity comes in the form of a misogynistic person thinking a leering gesture would be appreciated in any form. There is a difference when this ideology is readily accepted and the ideology lends to greater problems that women are subject everyday. It isn't limited to men making these gestures either. Understanding the perspective of a female in a patriarchal world is necessary to fully grasp how this seemingly innocent gesture of appreciation of pretty can lead towards many issues women battle today. Perhaps a conversation with someone regarding the intersectionality of gender and violence will shed light into the problematic perspective that "the man may have just been trying to be nice". I welcome that conversation anytime.
@ Todd: He didn't compliment her at all. He asked her to change positions so that he could stare at her. Like most women would, Teri felt uncomfortable and exposed because a man was trying to manipulate her physical position to satisfy his own, probably sexual, wish to look at her as an object. Yuck.
Amy:
I know what you mean...the other day I was riding my bike and some guy slowed down to a crawl to ride beside me, hanging out his window to stare! When he'd had his 'fill' or whatever, he sped off.
It's absolutely degrading to be sized up as such. I clearly remember the feeling I had at that moment, and it WAS NOT "oh, I feel so complimented!" It was "God, can I leave the house for ONE day without being ogled at!!"
Todd:
There is a thing called 'the gaze'.
Men use it, and it has become a weapon, a thing I hate, a thing I feel hopeless against.
Posts like these, and responses from you are what help get a new message across to guys...because I know there are a lot of men out there that think the same way.
Here's to getting out of the male maze--(gaze)--! Cheers.
Ok, thank you ladies for the perspective, sitting here thinking about it my mom taught me it was impolite to stare when I was about 6 years old. Some boys grow to be men, some don't. I think we can all agree on that.
My comment was more about the use of the word atrocity to describe the experience, to me that is just an extreme word.
I have been working at the White House for the past few weeks inside the grounds looking out at the protesters. Many threw around words like holocaust, atrocity or drawing little Hitler moustaches on people. I just don't think it is necessary. Perhaps that's just my own little hang up.
Teri, sorry you had an uncomfortable experience and now I think I understand a little bit more about how it made you feel, all I can do is promise that if I have kids I will raise them to be polite.
What is inherant in situations where women are subject to male gaze is the cultural acceptance of male access to female bodies. While we may say a look is not an assault, and while I see how Todd may not see this as an atrocity, the look is nonetheless preceeded by a history of sexual violence, or at least license. So, there is an unescapable "context" of "atrocity" from which a woman operates in these seemingly harmless situations.
No individual has a right to another's body. That's what we're really talking about here, and I'm so glad that we can get down to that fundamental misunderstanding via discussions about everyday situations like this. Thanks, all:)
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