By: GI Jane DoeWhat is femininty?
If the mass media is to be believed, it's meek, mild, petite, sweet, domestic, motherly, and passive. Yet, the media also presents ideal women as feisty, witty, and strong women who have their own jobs and careers and no children. Fashion models are rarely shorter than 5'8.
Not at all confusing.
There is one limitation that is absolute, and it touches my life intimately: military service. I have long hair and a love of cooking, kittens, butterflies, and cute boys, but my soldier's uniform makes me unfeminine--or, as my roommate once put it, a "dyke". And it's a heavy judgement. One day I was a sweet and friendly college coed, and the next I was an aggressive iron-pumping Amazon.
What is it about military women that bothers wide society so much? The New York Times regularly prints articles about female service members. The authors try for positive and supporting, but they take great pains (especially in articles discussing the possibility of women in combat) to describe how "manly" these women are. Femininity and the military are incompatible, it seems. But why? What is so unfeminine about the military?
Is it the rigorous exercise? If so, that's a pathetic reason; I'm in the best shape of my life, and good women are supposed to be in good shape. Is it the idea of women in warfare that scares people? Society is going to have to wake up one day and realize that women (and girls) are just as able to wage war as men.
I think it's about aggression. Society raises women to NOT be aggressive or dominant in any way. It starts from birth--studies have proven that baby girls are shushed when they are loud more than their male counterparts. Girls are given domestic toys like Barbie, toy ovens, and dress-up clothes. Boys are given toys like trucks, toy guns, and action figures. Complete strangers tell women to smile when they pass each other on the street.
You bet I was raised to be polite and passive. I have trouble saying "no" to people. When someone requests something completely outrageous from myself, I automatically spin my reply into something soft-edged like, "I'm so sorry, but..." I do not share negative feelings well. I hesitate to push my way through a crowd. My sister has confided to me similar feelings, but my two brothers have no such compunctions.
The military, by necessity, requires a certain amount of aggression and dominance. It's a volunteer armed force, so you can imagine that the people who join are ready and willing to fight. This is not a bad thing. Society's refusal to let women and girls demonstrate mental, physical, and emotional strength is.
When you see a female service member, don't assume that she's any different from you. A vow of service, and dedication to that vow, is the only thing that marks military personnel different from civilians. How is a pledge to serve your country unfeminine?
It's not.
picture credit: washington post.com
picture credit: washington post.com
3 comments:
I really enjoyed this essay as it takes a personal story and connects it to something larger. I only have one problem with it. You stated that
"I'm in the best shape of my life, and good women are supposed to be in good shape."
I have to take offense. Some of us are not in good shape. Some of us have medical/health issues, etc. As I am not in good shape, therefore I am not a good woman?
I don't think that good shape as you termed it(which I take to mean physical health and appearance given military body standards) can be an indicator of whether or not a woman is good.
It's exclusive and divisive and, personally, it shuts me, and women like me, out. I believe one of the goals of feminism is to be inclusive and cohesive.
Just some food for thought.
~Kelly
I see how that could have been worded better. Let me clarify. I was naming another "feminine" quality society demands. I really should have been clearer. I apologize for offending you, as that was not my purpose.
After all, is it not sickenly ironic that the same society that demands women be thin, fit, toned, and dieted down to size 2 condemns 250000 women who manage to do that?
Post a Comment