Eat, Pray, Love! [or...Envy, Pessimism, Loathing?]

By: Brook
post date: 8/02/2010 revised 7/22/2011

Today I decided to go to bitch magazine's website and browse through the latest news and opinions and came across an articled titled: 'Eat, Love, Spend', a critique on the upcoming movie Eat, Love, Pray based off Elizabeth Gilbert's best seller.

The article focuses on how self-help literature is aimed at selling women -and only women- "fantastical wellness schemes" such as Gilbert's despite obvious "economic vulnerabilities" women have suffered due to the economic downturn. It goes on to make fun of Oprah in particular, denouncing her focus on positivity and empowerment for women's wellness as simply a promotion of "materialism and dependency masked as empowerment, with evangelical zeal". Ouch. Then the author goes on to say Gilbert's book "could have easily been called Wealthy, Whiny, White".

For one reason or another (actually- many others) my reaction was only a head shaking, eye rolling, sigh. Now, before I go on, let me say: it's not the writing, or even the topic itself, or even the points of the author's argument that (completely) caused this reaction. It goes beyond all this into the ever accumulating confusion and frustration I have been experiencing when examining and participating in feminist web-culture as of late. This frustration has been an unsettling theme that reinforces some recent feelings I have on being a feminist activist. Those feelings being that if you are an attentive, examining, critically thinking activist, you tend to be daily reminded of how unfair, desperate, challenging or -insert any random adjective here- situations and life can be for women and any other disadvantaged minority. You are constantly bombarded with how they make less, have more struggles in gaining opportunities, endure more sexism, struggle more, get appreciated less (the list goes on and on...and on). Added to that, you are constantly reminded of the intersections of race, gender, class, wealth, sexual orientation and everything in between by every other feminist spokesperson with a social megaphone (website, book, tv show, podcast--whatever).

We often see headlines that remind us of how obsessive consumerism, corporate America, 'the man', or what have you is attacking women's rights, lives and opportunities...but what about

other feminists? It happens: from critiquing Hillary Clinton's drive to ostracizing Sarah Palin to complaining about Oprah Winfrey's success, to whatever woman seems to be in the spotlight at that time, the negativity can seem overwhelming from either side. And worse yet, sometimes the negativity and critique happens to funnel through other feminists and activists in your own life. Case in point: I recently had a rather outspoken male activist who comes in and out of the feminist circle here in Tidewater tell me that I wasn't 'the type of feminist' he wanted in his life. He had attacked me -and my identity as a feminist activist- for applying different methods of feminist activism towards my community over his methods. So all in all, not only are we constantly reminded of all the daily struggles and contradictions that women in the media spotlight have, but sometimes we also have to struggle through personal spotlights of critique from those that like to directly remind that not only are we not doing enough, but that we also aren't 'feminist enough'.

Sigh...it can be exhausting. So, okay: I am a white, middle class, college educated woman. I remember being in my feminist theory class and learning that I have 'unearned privilege' because I am white. I have unearned privilege because I had a family that was financially able to help me through college. I have unearned privilege because I don't have to defend my heterosexual relationship and can become legally married to him. I'm also aware that people like me who desire social change (or worse yet: college educated, upper class women of any color who are in a position of power who want social change) are made to feel like we owe a social debt for owning these privileges- earned, or unearned. And in case we ever forget, there is always a headline --or a bitter activist-- to remind us.

But guilt doesn't drive action. Neither does negativity. People engage in social change because they are compelled to, because they are inspired to. I realize that keeping privileges 'in check' by calling attention to the contradictions it can lead to is important to realizing social change. We cannot underestimate the implications of wealth while others barely make it from paycheck to paycheck (if they are even lucky enough to have a paycheck). We cannot avoid the fact that there is still a wage gap that makes racial and gender divides apparent.

But can we go to a movie about a woman's life and become inspired without a psychoanalyzed laundry list of how her story and the priv-lit-esque genre is creating a "potential for negative impact [that] is greater...than ever before" by "terrorizing it's consumers with worst-case scenarios and the implication that self-improvement is demonstrated by 'works' of spending". Eay, Pray, Love is a movie based on someone's life experience. Gilbert's story isn't playing on the closest "mainstream form of misogyny", which according to authors Sanders and Barnes-Brown is the belief that 'priv-lit' is causing women to believe that they are "inherently and deeply flawed" and "in need of consistent improvement throughout their lives" by "spending extravagantly, leaving [their] families, or abandoning their jobs in order to fit ill-defined notions of what it is to be 'whole' ". It's not her gospel. It's not even suggestion. Once again: it's a movie based on someone's life experience.

In the end, after reading this article, I just wanted to say: give me a break! Perhaps I'm just really jaded...that, or really tired of all the ever constant criticism ANY woman has to endure just for being in the spotlight for five minutes (or being a person who, in simply trying to unite her community is told she isn't 'feminist' enough).

So I'm just going to say what I've waited two years to say but haven't for fear of my own brand of backlash---I feel, as a feminist, I was trained to only see the negative in public discourse. I was only taught what was wrong with the world, with the way politics play out, with the way women are treated, with the way the privileged and unprivileged alike live. We scholars are all trained (and perhaps naturally) to be inquisitive, to dig below the surface for answers, to read between the lines and see beyond the headlines. In the process, however, I feel that only the negative is brought to life, only the criticism plays out, only the downfalls are highlighted. And that becomes a reason why people get so afraid to identify themselves as a feminist--that becomes the reason that feminists are called 'femi-nazis' or whatever term some witty blogger or comedian has to offer that day. We are taught to be defensive, and in the process I feel as if we just end up offending each other. All our good intentions, all our well meaning actions---they all just fit so nicely under that microscope and that is not only frustrating and draining, but also isolating.

So, in the spirit of adamantly defending my love and admiration for Gilberts journey and work in Eat, Love, Pray, I feel like I should at least bring up my own experience abroad. In 2009, I traveled to Cape Town, South Africa on a service learning trip through the ODU Women's Studies Department. While there, we were stationed with one (or two) service learning sites where we were set to come up with a project or plan of action to be of service to the organization itself.

Now, people could EASILY say that my journey there was irrelevant, privileged, trivial or what have you-- and then criticize it all day long due to the issues of race, class and privilege that emerged from it. Hell, while I was there, I myself couldn't escape that feeling of privilege, or those haunting thoughts: Isn't ironic that it just took me nearly FIVE THOUSAND dollars to come over to South Africa and I'm working with these kids who don't even have a dollar to get a meal they've missed for two days now? Isn't it ironic that ONLY the most privileged people can come over here to work for/with the least privileged!? (And by privileged I mean: educated--obviously through ODU--and at least with some sort of wealth--obviously the expensive nature of the trip). Food for thought, indeed. And if any feminist on that trip says they didn't think the same damn thing, they are not practicing what they preach. Because a good bit of us on that trip walked away feeling empty, feeling guilty--knowing that they left nothing sustainable behind, knowing they were coming back to their lattes, coming back to their cozy, air conditioned and heated houses, their safe neighborhoods, their full bellies. And not only that, but we all knew that we would ALWAYS be able to leave South Africa: leave the poor, leave the raped, leave the uneducated system we worked in in Gugulethu, leave the crime and danger we were taught about in Khayelitsha, leave the broken homes and dreams we saw....and settle right back into American life. Settle right back in---sell our stories, gain our credibility as righteous feminists who were traveled, who were insightful. Feeling good about the depth and complexity of our convictions and arguments--marking our scorecards as deeply moved activists.

Makes you think...or at least, it's made me think. For years now it's made me think. Given all that: does that make my story and experience there irrelevant? Does it make me just another white privileged yuppy girl who's trying to sell you some story on finding life's meaning? I happen to think that I found my true passion and purpose while in South Africa....(perhaps just like Gilbert). Does it make my story the gospel on finding true purpose in life? No. Does my story tell you that you need to be privileged and rich to find depth and richness in one's soul? No. Does my story tell you that I'm empty before my journey and now full? No.

And neither does Gilberts.

Original post date: 8/2/10 Update: 7/22/11